Written by: LP Penner, SARAH Counsellor

Discomfort

Counselling can be awkward and scary! Meeting someone who is ready to hear a hard part of your story is weird.  We will not push you anywhere you are not ready to go but are ready to hold a safe space or slow things down as you face your own fears, trauma, or whatever. We will work to make the sessions safe enough to touch and eventually hold your story.

Choice

Sexual Assault means choice was taken away (no matter how much someone may feel responsible). This means we will work hard to change that dynamic, even if its just with your counsellor to start.

The first session is meant to introduce ourselves to one another and figure out what fits for you and what doesn’t. The counsellor may not be a fit for you and that is okay! We can work with you to find someone who is a fit.

We will make a plan for your healing and recovery journey together. The counsellor will not prescribe a goal but can use their experience and tools to help you find one(s) that feel right for you.

Empowerment

Power may have been taken away from you, or perhaps you’ve never felt like you had power. In the counselling sessions, you are in charge of you. You are the expert on your own life, how you heal and how you don’t. We will work as a cheerleader/coach as you claim power.

Free Services

We are funded to give free counselling to all people 15 years of age and over who live in the Interlake Eastern Health Authority. If you do not live in the Interlake or Eastern Manitoba we are available to explore resources that may be a fit.

Confidentiality

We work as a team, as such may consult with the other counsellor or our supervisor if we don’t know an answer (we are human after all) or if something you bring up, brings up our own struggles we may discuss our own reactions privately and respectfully. Otherwise, your information is completely confidential. The exceptions being if we are concerned for your or someone else’s safety, this includes high risk suicidality, risk of homicide and/or concern for the welfare of a child. Unless it would increase risk we would discuss options together. Though unlikely, Survivor’s Hope does document sessions and this could be subpoenaed for legal proceedings. Your counsellor would be happy to discuss confidentiality further if any of this feels weird for you.

SARAH Counselling is

Your choice – A little Uncomfortable – Empowering – Free – Confidential

We will use our tools, skills and knowledge to work to create a space with you when you can feel safe to be brave, within that you are the expert on your own needs, story, goals, readiness and what progress looks like.

Written by Candice Perry

Self – care is for everyone. It is an act of self – compassion. It is a practice that goes beyond bubble baths and pedicures (although those are terrific ways to relax and feel taken care of!) Everyday self – care involves the routines and habits we develop to take care of ourselves holistically.  Taking time to socialize with friends and family, nourishing ourselves as best we can and taking time for movement and rest are all daily practices that support our physical and mental well – being.

What are the benefits of taking time and making the effort for self – care? There is evidence that daily self – care habits can prevent more serious health problems down the road. For example, daily oral care prevents gum disease, which can contribute to tooth loss and potentially impact our cardiovascular health. Nourishing food helps to boost our immune system, so that we can fend off infection more effectively, as well as making us feel more energetic and can be preventative for more serious illness.

Self – care is holistic. The physical habits we practice contribute to our mental health. For example, daily movement during the day can help us sleep at night, which makes us feel sharper and in a better mood the next day. When we feel better emotionally, we might have more energy to practice those physical habits that make us feel better, so it becomes a positive feedback loop.

The isolation of the COVID – 19 pandemic challenged us individually to get creative in meeting our self care needs. We are now challenged to prepare to re – emerge from isolation while adjusting to make the world around us a more understanding and inclusive place where everyone can have their needs met.

Self- care practice is an ever evolving practice and systemic barriers such as poverty and racism, or experience violence and trauma can make it more difficult to practice self – care.  As we re-emerge and re-build, we can practice self – care to keep us energized and grounded and systems can work to transform to break down barriers that impede self care.

Small acts everyday can help to build a self-care practice. Anything like giving yourself permission to rest, to decide to sit out of specific activities that take your energy without rejuvenating you and doing things or spending time with people who give you joy are all part of self – care.  Everyday self-care practice for everyone.

Pronouns are used in everyday speech and writing to take the place of a person’s name. Once we know someone’s pronouns, it is important that we always use them. When we are meeting people for the first time when must take the time to ensure we know their pronouns so we can show our respect to those in our life.

What are pronouns?

A pronoun is a word that takes the place of a noun. In the context of gender, pronouns are used to identify someone’s gender in the third person. Pronouns allow us to interact with one another while expressing ourselves. We may use the same pronouns throughout our life, our pronouns may change throughout our life or they may change throughout the day, day to day, or situation.

Some examples of pronouns include she/her/hers, he/him/his, ze/hir/hirs, they/them/theirs, she/they, him/they. However, there are many, many more pronouns that people may use.

Why do pronouns matter?

Our pronouns directly link to our gender identity and how our gender identity is expressed. When we use pronouns to refer to others, we affirm their gender identity. When we use pronouns to refer to someone that are incorrect it can make that person feel unwelcome, uncomfortable, invisible, and unsafe. Using the wrong pronouns by mistake or on purpose is called misgendering.

So how do I respond when I misgender someone? 

If you are having a conversation with someone and they let you know you are not using their correct pronoun:

1. Acknowledge
2. Rephrase
3. Carry on

Example: My apologies thanks, yes, they like ice cream.  

If you are having a conversation with someone and you realize you are not using their correct pronoun:

1. Rephrase
2. Carry on

Ex. He plays guitar in a band, I mean she pays guitar in a band.

Mistake and slip ups happen, there is no need to profusely apologize or draw more attention to the error. Drawn out apologies could make everyone feel awkward.

How do you ask someone their pronouns?

We of course cannot know someone’s pronouns by looking at them or hearing them talk. We need to either ask someone their pronouns and/or listen when someone tells us their pronouns.

Ways to share your pronouns.

• When you introduce yourself (in person and virtually)
  Hello, my name is Elisabeth, I use ae/aer pronouns.
• Next to your name in email signatures, online video platforms, social media bios, gaming platforms, business cards, name tags etc.

Why might someone not share their pronouns?

We must recognize that sometimes people might choose not to share their pronouns. Or the pronouns they ask people to use might change depending on the situation. Someone might not feel comfortable sharing their pronouns in a particular space or they might feel unsafe because of transphobia and other acts of discrimination. They might not share their pronouns when introducing themselves or they might share pronouns that do not represent them but are used to protect one’s safety.

The most important lesson to remember is to use the pronouns any individual asks you to use.

The way we communicate with our friends and family, coworkers and the rest of the world has drastically changed. We often rely on online spaces including apps, social media, email, and video chat services to connect. These spaces bring great benefits, but they also can provide space for hate, harassment, and abuse.

Recent social media posts have made light of sexual violence and subsequent claimed to have been jokes. Sexual assault is a traumatic and severe emotional and physical violation and jokes of rape, sexual assault or other forms of sexual violence cannot be tolerated whether online, in the workplace or in everyday life. Jokes about sexual violence reinforces and normalizes sexual violence and further perpetrates gender-based inequalities. Jokes about sexual violence can also further traumatize and trigger survivors of violence.

We all have a role to play in creating a safe online world. Leaders of online spaces including dating apps and social media platforms must take steps to ensure that they have effective policies and moderators in place to ensure harassment and abuse are not tolerated, and that perpetrators are held accountable, and their abusive content is removed from their platform. Individuals can become active bystanders and call out harassment and abuse. Individuals can report inappropriate content on the social media platform it appears on. We can also reach out to those that have been a target of online harassment and abuse to let them know we are available to chat, provide support or help them seek resources to support them.

How to report harassment and abuse on social media platforms

Guides are available for information on privacy settings and reporting tools on the following platforms Tiktok, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, Reddit, and Youtube. (click on the platform to open the guide).

How to report Non-Consensual Distribution of an Intimate Image

In Canada it is illegal for a person to distribute an intimate image of another person without that person’s consent.

Cybertip.ca receives and addresses reports of non-consensual distribution of intimate images of individuals under 18 years of age. To report child sexual abuse content including the sharing of images or video without consent see: cybertip.ca/app/en/report.

For more support for teens see: needhelpnow.ca/app/en/

For information regarding the non-consensual distribution of an intimate images of folks over 18 years of age see: cybertip.ca/pdfs/Ctip_SharingSexualPictures_en.pdf

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month – a time to raise awareness about the prevalence of sexual assault in our community.

Sexual assault is one form of sexual violence. Sexual violence occurs when one or more person forces or manipulates someone else into any unwanted act of sexual nature either physical or non-physical without their consent. It can happen to anyone of any age or gender and happens in all communities. Sexual violence includes but is not limited to sexual assault, sexual harassment, and sexual exploitation.

Survivor’s Hope is acknowledging Sexual Assault Awareness Month through several activities throughout the month including:

• Day of Action – Tuesday, April 6, 2021 – Wear teal to show your support for survivors of sexual violence.
• Denim Day – Wednesday, April 28, 2021 – Wear denim to take a stand against victim-blaming.
• I’m Here for Your Cards – We created a series of cards that loved one’s can give (either in person or virtually) to survivors of sexual violence to let them know that a loved one is available to provide support.
• Shifting from Stigma to Support: An Introduction to Trauma and Substance Use – Online Seminar – Manitoba Harm Reduction and Survivor’s Hope Crisis Centre are providing an online seminar exploring the connections between trauma including sexual assault trauma and substance use through a harm reduction lens.

For more information regarding SAAM and the activities we have planned check out our SAAM page.

As always, Survivor’s Hope Crisis Centre is here to offer hope and healing through support and education for individuals who lives have been impact by sexual violence in the Interlake Eastern Region of Manitoba. Through our SARAH program

• 24/7 support is available for those who have just experienced sexual violence through local hospitals and RCMP detachments.
• Free individual counselling is also available for those 16 years and older who has experience sexual violence.

For more information regarding our SARAH program check out our SARAH page.

Written by: Candice Perry

Now that you have survived, how do you heal so that you can thrive?

Survivors of sexualized violence deserve the support needed to heal. The SARAH program has offered residents and visitors to North Eastern Manitoba advocacy and support immediately following sexual assault, but local resources for longer term support have been difficult to access.

Now, Survivor’s Hope is excited to be able to offer longer term support in its SARAH Counselling and Support Program. The follow up counsellor aims to provide a safe space for survivors so that they can be empowered to heal, just like the safe space our SARAH volunteers have been providing for years. The program believes that survivors can regain their sense of personal autonomy by having their experience believed, having their feelings validated, and having their choices respected.

The SARAH Counselling and Support Program is being offered virtually at this time through Google Meet or by telephone. Once COVID guidelines change to allow for in person counselling, office visits will be arranged throughout the region. The program aims to expand to provide group support and workshops to help those who are supporting survivors.

You can access the program by leaving a voicemail at 204-753-5353 or sending a secure email through the website https://survivors-hope.ca/contact . The counsellor will return your call to arrange for the first session. The program is free of charge.

You do not need to travel your path to healing alone.

By: Candice Perry

Since 1999, April 29 has been designated as Wear Denim Day, a day when people around the world wear denim in solidarity with survivors of sexual assault. The movement caps off Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and is the second sartorial statement in protest of sexualized violence, the first being Wear Teal Day on April 7 each year.

Wear Denim Day began when female Italian parliamentarians went on a “denim strike” in response to an Italian Supreme Court decision to overturn a rape conviction, in part based on the reasoning that the victim must have consented because the tight jeans she wore at the time of the attack could not have been removed “if she was fighting with all her force”.

Another factor in the decision was that the victim, an eighteen year old student at a driving school, attended a driving theory class after the attack. The student reported the rape in 1992, after the driving instructor sexually assaulted her during a driving lesson. The Supreme Court decision demonstrated how persistent myths about sexual assault are within a culture because it came about three years after Italy had modernized its sexual assault laws. [1] Similar scenarios have been played out over the ensuing decades around the world, including in Canada.

The myth that a “true victim” will ”fight with all her force” or “raise a hue and cry” [2] is common. In fact, neuroscientists have shown that commonly misunderstood reactions to sexual assault such as continuing a relationship with the perpetrator or freezing can be an automatic reaction. The commonly known “fight or flight response” is actually preceded by a “freeze response”, allowing the human being to devote all the senses to assess the danger of the perceived threat. Also, in crisis, the human brain relies on habits to stay safe, so it should be no surprise that women, who in our culture are socialized to appease others and help them save face, might react to sexual aggression by appeasing the attacker or maintain a friendly relationship with him afterwards.[3]

While the Italian “jeans defence” was met with vocal public backlash at the time, pervasive sexual assault myths continue to have harmful effects on survivors, the administration of justice, and society. When the people to whom survivors turn for support believe these myths, survivors feel re–victimized and alone. This complicates their recovery and may cause them to be reluctant to report sexual violence to the authorities. When investigators and judges believe these myths, perpetrators are never sanctioned and are allowed to victimize even more people. And when these myths are believed, pervasive stereotypes about women are allowed to result in bias and discrimination, thus enabling sexism to continue.

April 29 is Wear Denim day and April is Sexual Assault awareness Month, but we are all challenged to stand in solidarity with survivors by recognizing and refuting myths about sexual assault whenever and wherever they come up.

[1] Stanley, Allesandra. New  York Times, February 16, 1999

[2] Craig, Elaine. The Ethical Obligtions of Defense Counsel n Sexual Assault Cases, Osgoode Hall law Journal, Volume 51, Issue 2 (Winter 2014).

[3] Haskell, Lori, and Melanie Randall, The Impact of Trauma on Adult Sexual Assault Victims, 2019

Manitoba’s provincial government recently decided to not make any changes to the training judges are required to attend regarding sexual assault law. This is in spite of other provinces, like Ontario, enforcing training for all new judges (some would like the training to be mandated to all existing judges).

Sexual assault stands out as statistically unique in Canada’s courts, and this is not just a Canadian problem. According to the most recent General Social Survey, only one in twenty victims of sexual assault perpetrated by a stranger are reported to law enforcement, compared to one in three other crimes resulting in victimization as defined by the survey. We know that more than half of all sexual assaults are committed by partners or acquaintances, and these are even less likely to be reported to law enforcement.

All of that is part of sexual assault cases having the very lowest conviction rate of all violent crimes tried in Canada. Only 0.3% of sexual assault incidences result in a conviction. In fact, of the cases that actually end up before a judge, fewer of them result in a conviction than any other violent crime.

Victims of sexual assault also report higher rates of PTSD and disruption in their lives than victims of other crimes. One in four victims of sexual assault experience difficulty carrying out regular daily activities after an assault. And when all is said and done, one in three women and one in six men will have an experience of sexualized violence.

Let’s sum this all up by saying three things:

1. Sexual assault happens a lot.
2. The vast majority of people who commit sexual assault face no consequences for their actions.
3. A big chunk of our population is left reeling because of sexual assault.

Maybe we could ALL use some more education about sexual assault and consent and how to prevent this shockingly common tragedy. This data should inspire a revolution in the public conversation about gender, sex, and relationships. If it’s money that we care about, the cost of prevention can’t be anywhere as high as the cost of sexual assault. Educational programs like our SADI program should be expanded and brought to every school!  I bet that would include some future judges!